I have been absent for a while, due to some personal and some not so personal reasons. it took me some time to recover from some unwelcoming changes that came to my life. However its summer again and though I hate summers, and this year I am in Burdwan so they are much worse.
Durgapur being a familiar place I knew the little pleasure spots of the city, But we moved out of the city and I thought I had enough of the place and would never miss it again. But with the summers setting in and the memories of that wonderful swimming pool makes me miss the place (Just one of the few things I miss.).
However to make me happy daddy pleasantly surprised me today by enrolling himself and me in the local swimming club in the town and we would be going swimming from next week.
Over the last one year I have changed two houses. We moved out of our 20 years of residence in Durgapur to our flat in Kolkata. Mom worked hard for over a month to make the house a home and she did a commendable job. But as soon as we were settled there and I started feeling at home after arranging and rearranging my room for like the 5th time, I got through the Masters course in Burdwan University. I tried travelling up and down for a few days and realised it was not very possible for me. So I took up a rented apartment in the town and Kolkata is just a weekend runaway for me now.
It took me some time to settle in but I like the course, and the people in my class. We are a small class of fifteen people and hence very close knit. I am getting all the attention from the professors and my Computer professor is really kind enough to give me extra time and extra effort to drill the very innate mechanical ideas into my head. I never understood machines and their process. They scare me.
The university campus is huge and green. There are three ponds in the campus and the buildings are old and thick walled. Its really comfortable in this summer heat.
Since my interaction with the world in particular was completely cut off, I had come close to my family and cousins because they were all I had. My cousins and I made some short winter trips and are planning to do some summer trips now.
Cutting myself off gave me a chance to think and I realised that all this time I was running after a mirage. I was running after and looking for the kind of feeling and companionship which can never exist. It was kind of selfishness that I was looking for. Good that i was hit hard on the head and brought back to reality. No I haven't given up on love but my perspective have changed. I still love but I dont expect to be loved back anymore.
The truth is the more we run after it the further away it goes. The trick is to just let it be. Just enjoy the feeling of love. Happiness is to realise that I was in love with the idea of loving and not in love with any particular person.
It took some time to sink in, but once I understood the feeling completely what I experienced was peace. A peace of mind which is bliss. Its like loving the lord himself and knowing that he is always looking over me. It doesn't matter if he cant be touched and felt.
That's all for now and I promise to be regular again.
However to make me happy daddy pleasantly surprised me today by enrolling himself and me in the local swimming club in the town and we would be going swimming from next week.
Over the last one year I have changed two houses. We moved out of our 20 years of residence in Durgapur to our flat in Kolkata. Mom worked hard for over a month to make the house a home and she did a commendable job. But as soon as we were settled there and I started feeling at home after arranging and rearranging my room for like the 5th time, I got through the Masters course in Burdwan University. I tried travelling up and down for a few days and realised it was not very possible for me. So I took up a rented apartment in the town and Kolkata is just a weekend runaway for me now.
It took me some time to settle in but I like the course, and the people in my class. We are a small class of fifteen people and hence very close knit. I am getting all the attention from the professors and my Computer professor is really kind enough to give me extra time and extra effort to drill the very innate mechanical ideas into my head. I never understood machines and their process. They scare me.
The university campus is huge and green. There are three ponds in the campus and the buildings are old and thick walled. Its really comfortable in this summer heat.
Since my interaction with the world in particular was completely cut off, I had come close to my family and cousins because they were all I had. My cousins and I made some short winter trips and are planning to do some summer trips now.
Cutting myself off gave me a chance to think and I realised that all this time I was running after a mirage. I was running after and looking for the kind of feeling and companionship which can never exist. It was kind of selfishness that I was looking for. Good that i was hit hard on the head and brought back to reality. No I haven't given up on love but my perspective have changed. I still love but I dont expect to be loved back anymore.
The truth is the more we run after it the further away it goes. The trick is to just let it be. Just enjoy the feeling of love. Happiness is to realise that I was in love with the idea of loving and not in love with any particular person.
It took some time to sink in, but once I understood the feeling completely what I experienced was peace. A peace of mind which is bliss. Its like loving the lord himself and knowing that he is always looking over me. It doesn't matter if he cant be touched and felt.
That's all for now and I promise to be regular again.
